A Gratitude List

1.Life on life's terms
2.God
3.Christmas
4.I did a loving thing for myself:  lit candles and took a nice warm bath.
5.I went to the gym even tho I didn't want to.
6.A beautiful day
7.Humor
8.Relaxation
9.Good, wholesome food to eat.
10.No candy in the house.
11.Safe travels
12.Restful sleep.
13.feeling energetic
14.feeling rested
15.not having regrets
16.feeling generous
17.an opportunity to give service
18.I accepted that there are certain people I choose not to interact with
19.I took communion.
20.feeling calm
21.No worries.
22.Having a plan.
23.meetings
24.writing poetry
25.friends
26.Raleigh
27.not having trigger foods around

29.reading with my
friend
30.marathons
31.candlelight
32.health
33.trying to do the next right thing
34.taking life on life's terms
35.the 10th.
36.people who love me
37.My mentor
38.The Internet
40.My accomplishments
41.12 Prayers
42.Movement
43.My God Box
44.Feelings
45.I'm supposed to feel this way
46.Not arguing
47.Questioning
48.A food plan
49.Prayer
50.Carol
51.Bea
52.Letting Go
53.Deep breaths
54.New carpet
55.God is with me and guiding me now
56.Progress
57.Hope
58.Faith
59.Still going to meetings
60.Writing Poetry
61.My Georgia friends
62.Prayer
63.Not giving up
64.Staying close to HP
65.Mimi
66.Summer memories
67.Courage
68.Trust
69.One day at a time
70.Courage that the answers will come
71.Getting the house ready
72.Getting myself ready
73.Being loved by someone
74.Loving someone
75.Asking God for what's the next right thing to do
76.Letting go
77.Getting through the party last night
78,Acting as if
79.Being cordial
80.Dressing up
81.Acceptance
82.My Brain
83.Rest
84.Belief that God has a plan
85.In time, I will know what it is
86.People who love me
87.Expressing love
88.Feeling my feelings
89.Going forward
90.Letting go of clutter
91.Space
92.A healthy breakfast
93.Singing a Christmas Carol even tho I didn't want to
94.The idea that frugality with food is the best gift I could give myself this Christmas.
95.not regretting the past
96.grateful for a new day
97.Being open to change
98.Getting things done.
99.Getting through it.
100.Being non-judgmental

A Gratitude List

 It's been said that keeping an attitude of gratitude is important.  Here's a list I composed several weeks ago:


1.Today I'm grateful that feelings are not facts.
2.For Prayer
3.That I have no pain
4.The idea of compassion.
5,I helped a friend.
6.I have something to look forward to tomorrow,
7.For Cari
8.My pharmacist
9.My doctor
10.for the phrase "this too shall pass."
11."Relax and take it easy."
12."God gave us a spirit of love, power, and a sound mind."
13.Deep breaths.
14.Dottie.
15.Cheryl.
16.A friend who was just released from the hospital.
17.Having a Higher Power.
18.12 step prayers.
19.A peaceful house.
20.Abstinence today.
21.Support from OA friends
22.My pink stocking cap.
23.Bea
24.Basmati rice.
25.Public Radio
26.Hot showers
27.Turning it over
28.For organic bananas
29.And apples
40.for forgiveness
41.my God box
42.for rain
43.clean
water
44.staying fully awake
45.saying thank you
46.for how it works
47.green tea
48.Sandy B.
49.working with others
50. 7 a.m. meeting
51.being non-judgemental
52.My Ipod
53.the Beatles
54.Dave Brubeck
55.my cat coming out of a fight nicely
56.the Modern Jazz Quartet
57.Pat Metheny
58.blue skies
59.music that moves me
60.Alberta Hunter
61.attending a serenity day retreat today
62.Chuck
63.my brother and sister in law
64.Mary Ann
65.Rita
66.Neill
67.Raleigh
68.my laptop
69.the Internet
70.a Higher Power
71.my prayers for love and tolerance for all
72.all of you out there
73.snow
74.forgiveness
75.Susan
76.slow dancing
77.being an incurable romantic
78.Brookline, MA
79.slow breathing
80.my Sunday school class
81.abstinence
82.the color pink
83.step 10
84.Chapel Hill
85.a safe drive
86.gas and oil in my car
87.believing that God will do what I cannot do for myself
88.what Jesus said about forgiveness
89.my blog
90.letting go of what others think about me
91.taking action
92.for God guiding me
93.having a flexible body
94.the Durham group
95.wanting a better life
96.the music and culture of Raleigh
97.feeling my feelings
98.an opportunity to see the Lincoln film today
99.a peaceful feeling in my soul
100.letting go of fear
101.the phrase "Into Action"

Staying Peaceful During the Holiday Season

Sometimes, the holiday season can be a time of "too much."  Too much food, too much drink, too much of material things.  I attended a workshop on how to stay peaceful during the holidays and came away with the following tips:

1. Take a plate of food but don't eat everything on it, and don't go back for seconds.
2.  Remember that there's no better gift to give yourself than a healthy and stress free holiday.
3.  "Get into others" rather than into the food and sugar.  Ask people how they are doing, what there plans are for the coming year.  Interview them.
4.  Refrain from foods that are problems for you:  sugar, junk food, chips, eating when you're not hungry.
5.  Refrain from "alcoholic" behaviors like arguing and being right.
6.  Remember that refraining from overindulgence will allow us to embrace a higher power.
7.  Discretion and recovery go hand in hand.
8.  Take telephone numbers.
9.   Call people.
10.  Don't internalize hurtful comments. 
11.Say the 4th step prayer:  "Dear God, I have a resentment towards a person that I want to be free of. So, I am asking you to give this person everything I want for myself. Help me to feel compassionate understanding and love for this person. I pray that they will receive everything they need. Thank you God for your help and strength with this resentment."  (BB, Freedom from Bondage:  552)
12. Help others.
13. Send cards.
12. Lead a meeting.
13. Make phone calls to people and tell them what they mean to you.
14. Feel your feelings.
15. Plan meals.
16. Name your feelings, claim them and release them to God.
17. Remember that "feelings are not facts."

Christmas Poem, 1991

A Christmas tradition

in our house every year

Was giving a poem

To a loved one so dear.

So with this in mind,

From the time you were six

I wrote a poem to you, what a trick!

Each poem captured memories

Of a great life together,

Especially in Alaska,

Where we had snowy weather.

The first Christmas we had,

You were just three months old,

The bright colored boxes,

Were a joy to behold.

The year you were two,

I knew you would like

The bright yellow color 

Of a Sesame Street trike.

A few years later,

I believe you were four,

You graduated to a 

"big daddy" by Lakeshore

(which you rode to Swan Lake and back!)

Compiling My Bucket List

See a Rolling Stones concert

ATTEND a Rolling Stones concert

Visit Sitka, Alaska during the Summer Music Festival

Go back to Paris

The Rolling Stones on Thanksgiving, 2012 by Dana Stone, November 25, 2012

 

              At my house we gathered

On Thanksgiving this year

For turkey and dressing

And goblets of cheer.

Pumpkin pies waited

For a nice touch of sweet,

I managed a sugarless

One for a treat.

John toasted a toast,

That was really quite smoothe,

Then together we four

Dug into the food.

With a Samba or two

Caressing the speakers,

Pretty soon we made haste,

To put on our sneakers.

For a walk on the Common

And onto the Square

We circled two times,

Before coming up for air.

Those marvelous Stones,

So thoughtful were they,

To keep the dogs leashed,

Lest they both bale and stray.

To the Best Western they all headed,

To spend a “quiet” night,

But the hallway noise

Gave Jack quite a fright.

The room was ok,

And not at all dusty.

But who would have thought

That the water would be rusty?

They checked out in haste,

And I would surmise,

That they headed for Lowe’s

For a big surprise!

For a new microwave,

And one that was stronger,

Than the old one of Dana’s,

That would last no longer.

Along with that present,

Came plants galore,

To beautify the yard,

And make a festive front door.

Azaleas were bought,

And bulbs, it’s quite clear,

That my yard will be blazing

With flowers next year.

John tidied the privotte,

After a nod and a nap,

With Sue’s expert guidance,

It was truly a snap!

A conical tree!

How they figured this out,

I really can’t see.

Their teamwork was keen,

and left me so blessed,

That I leveled and trimmed,

The remains of the rest!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

What Jesus Had to Say About Forgiveness

"But what about really bad repeat offenders?" Peter asked.  "What 

if someone keeps doing wrong?"  Is it our job to keep forgiving  

and forgiving?"

"Yes," Jesus said plainly.

"But how many times, Lord?"  Peter seemed exasperated.  "Shall I 

keep forgiving, even up to seven times?"

Jesus answered, "Not just seven times, but seventy times seven 

times!  If people are truly trying to repent each time and change

their lives, then you should forgive them, and work with them 

until they accomplish their goal."

(From The Children's Bible, Day by Day, 2005) 
  

"Welcome to Tarboro -- Your Electricity's Been Turned Off"

      

     When I returned from Paris last May, I was a little stunned to come into a warm house.  Not seeing the red digital light on the stove, I could only think:  “oh, shoot, I neglected to pay my utility bill before departing.”

     Before I could put down my purse, it was “off to the races,” and I immediately hopped in my car, and drove downtown to the Town Hall to check it out.

     There was a line of people waiting.  When it was my turn to be helped, I meekly explained that my electricity was off, that I had just gotten back from France the day before.  “Are you certain that I didn’t pay?  I could have sworn that I sent a check, before I left.”  The person at the counter turned to check her records.  “No, we didn’t receive anything.  And you’ve have problems before.  And you’ll need to pay a $300.00 deposit, due to your poor payment history.”  This was said within earshot of other people in line, whom, I suspected, were “guilty” of the same thing.  I looked sympathetically back at the line of people behind me.

     “But you don’t understand.  I was in FRANCE!”  This didn’t seem to register with her.  In fact, she seemed a little “hard-hearted.”  Couldn’t she have taken me aside and quietly explained the situation?  After being treated so wonderfully in France, I couldn’t believe that I was coming back to “my” sweet little town, to discover that my electricity had been turned off.  Just like that.

     Maybe she thought that if I could afford to go to Paris, I could certainly afford to pay my utilities bill.  So I explained, “It was a FREE trip.”  I hoped that would clear up any misunderstanding.  I wasn’t a “bon vivant” who could travel the world anytime I felt like it, just an ordinary woman with a simple life in a small town.

     “You have a poor history,” she said again.  There it was.  That word again.  Poor.  I took issue with that, thinking I’d always had air conditioning and heat, right?  I wasn’t sure how many times a person had to miss a utility payment in order to be considered having a “poor history.”  Just once, I decided.

     But hey, in Rocky Mount, they just add a missed payment to your next bill.  In Tarboro, however, they cut off your utilities, just like that.  In a heartbeat.

     Well, I sucked in my breath and went to the bank, withdrew the $300.00, and took it right back to the Town Hall.  There!  I’m in the clear!  Paid in full and then some!

     But the principle of the thing bothered me, so I wrote to Sam Noble.  My son and his daughter went to high school together.  I liked Sam.  I thought he was a good guy.  I emailed a summary of my situation, hoping he would be empathetic.  I couldn’t get that word out of my head, after being in France.  Couldn’t we negotiate on this?  It seemed a bit heartless to just cut off people’s electricity.  What if they were on oxygen.  What then?  (I found out that if a person is on oxygen, their electricity doesn’t get turned off.  What a relief!)

     Well, Sam wrote me back.  A long email, outlining my “poor” payment history.  In fact, he used the word “poor” three times.  To say the least, I felt worse after hearing back from Sam.  Having lived in Tarboro for 15 years, I hardly felt as if I had a “poor” history.  I wanted to fire a letter back to him.  Sam, how could you be so insensitive?  What kind of legacy do you want to leave here?  Where is the empathy?  The understanding?  I decided to go and see him, rather than firing back a letter.

     The visit was pleasant.  We chatted.  He was nice.  Engaging.  Understanding.  I mentioned my perception that his email to me was harsh.  And his explanation was perfectly acceptable.  It was just business, plain and simple.  The policy on utilities payments had been in place for decades.  It would probably never change.  One thing’s for certain, I have not been late since then on my utilities payment.  But, I still believe that people in public service should be more careful in their words, more discreet.  Because you know what?  It doesn’t cost anything to be nice, and it doesn’t take that long either.

     Just before Christmas, there was an article in the Daily Southerner about how a number of people had had their electricity turned off.  And how a “good Samaritan” had come forward to pay the bills of all these residents.  The story warmed my heart.

     Since then, I’ve found lots of empathy here.  In car repair shops, at church, at work, in class, on the walking trail I use.  Empathy is here.  You just have to look for it.

    

What We Need to Learn From the French

    

     Last year, I had the amazing good fortune to win an all expense paid trip to Paris.  I never really had Paris on my radar before, in spite of having visited other large European cities:  London, Oslo, Amsterdam, Brussels.

     My “first day” impressions centered  mostly around how clean Paris seemed to be for such a large city.  The air smelled fresh, even at the airport -- I didn’t notice any buses and transport vans spewing black smoke.  I wondered if this might be due to the use of biofuels.  I also had the equivalent of a “private tour” of Paris on the way to the hotel, thanks to a generous and good-natured Paris Shuttle driver, Kareem.  He delighted in pointing out every landmark on the way to the hotel:  the Ritz Hotel, the Louvre, the Eiffel Tower, the Opera House, the Invalides Musuem, and Napoleon’s statue.  I told him that I was jealous of him, for living in such a beautiful city.   He laughed, pleased at how happy I was to view the majesty of his native city.

     There were other wonderful memories – a sumptuous breakfast served every morning, side trips to Normandy and Giverney, daily walks to the Luxembourg Gardens, (only a 10 minute walk from my hotel), magnificent apartment houses with flowers cascading down wrought iron balconies, bakeries, boutiques, and flower shops, and the ever-constant flow of traffic and pedestrians.

     One would think that Paris, being one of the world’s largest cities, would be one of the most impatient, filled with rude shop keepers anxious to cash in on American dollars, and natives too preoccupied to be concerned about foreigners’ impressions of them.

     However, nothing could be further from the truth.  There is a reason Paris is the number one tourist destination in the world – it’s the hospitality that is shown to visitors.  Back in the 1970’s and early 80’s, Paris did have a bit of a rep for being rude.  However, President Mitterand changed all that with a massive campaign to make Paris more “Tourist Friendly.”  

     There is one other quality that stood out in my experience, and that was the empathy and nice manners of the French.  For example, I noticed a group of French business colleagues in the dining area of my hotel.  Turned out they worked for the same insurance agency in Brittany.  Meeting for breakfast, the women joining the group greeted each other with a kiss on each cheek, and the men shook hands.  Mind you, they probably see each other every day at work, but the fact that they took the time to greet each other this way was very pleasing to see.  I imagined that a group of American colleagues would offer cheery “good mornings”, “hi ya’s” and high five’s, and not this more formal type of greeting. 

     I noticed the same thing at the Paris airport.  Passing co-workers would take a few seconds to acknowledge one another with handshakes.  How very nice!   

     But even more impressive than the nice manners, was the quality of empathy that I experienced directly.  When I had trouble negotiating some steps at one of the D-Day sights in Normandy, there appeared a kind gentleman who noticed my hesitation.  He graciously offered his arm, while his understanding wife waited patiently for a moment. 

    Then there was the kind woman who helped me in a boutique as I struggled to get out the right change.  She smiled, understandingly, then said, “it’s difficult, no?”  She sensed my appreciation of her kindness, remarking, “that’s how we are – it’s the French compassion.”

     I thought about these experiences the other morning when I was at a Starbucks enjoying a coffee.  A group of the employees started complaining about how the cleaning crew had failed to properly tidy up the night before.  Their comments were audible to the 3 or 4 other customers trying to enjoy their food.  I finally got up and discreetly said something to the person I thought was the manager, but it didn’t do any good.  Oh well, I could just as well enjoy my coffee on the trip back to Tarboro.

     And then I thought about my Paris trip, and what we can learn from the French, just simple good manners, and empathy. 

     I hope to go back to Paris some day, but I probably won’t be visiting that Starbucks any time soon.

Brookline Reflections

    

I visited my son

and daughter-in-law

in Brookline.

October was a fine time

to visit them

in their new home,

a 1940's building

across from a rose garden.

The visit made me realize that 

I need to see my son as the adult 

man that he is,

And to detach myself from his idyllic

childhood in Alaska.

This realization alone 

was worth the visit...

So I accept...

my age, his age, his wife, their life,

and celebrate changes.

Haiku 2

Clouds of grey and white

Drift by silently tonight

Like waves on the sea.

Haiku 1 (c)

My little cat is napping

In a circle of sunlight

Chasing her dreams.

Christmas Poem -- 1991

Christmas Poem for Chris

(1991)

On this lovely Christmas Day,

I have so very much to say

To the special little boy,

Who has brought me so much joy.

But what I hold most dear

Is your help throughout the year.

So thanks from deep within my heart,

Because you certainly do your part,

In so many, many ways

To lighten and brighten our days.

And what are some of the things that you do?

Why, I’ll count them off, two by two.

You clean your room

With never a moan

You carry the groceries

With never a groan.

You’re a friend to your friends.

You share and help out.

You rise early for school,

With never a pout.

You play soccer each year

And root for the team.

Your attitude is sunny,

Your smile, a sunbeam.

Your mind is awash

With fun things to do.

Reading is one

That I love, too.

Your spirit is kind,

Your love fills the ocean.

When my friend died last fall,

You gave all your devotion.

You’re eight years old,

Full of energy and play,

And how I love to check out

How you’ve grown every day.

It’s Christmas time now,

And though we haven’t a lot,

You’re mostly concerned

With what others have not.

In this age of tv

Advertisements galore,

You are mostly concerned

With the plight of the poor.

No cries “gimme, gimme”

Do I hear from you, Chris

You have managed to capture

The true meaning of Christmas.

May we keep our concern

And the spread of good cheer

Alive throughout

The rest of the year.

And a long time from now

And of this I am glad,

You’re going to be

A very fine dad.

And I must confess,

To all I say:

Being part of a family

Is great everyday!

Three Minute Fiction

3 Minute Fiction

Mar. 25, 2012

     She closed the book, placed it on the table, and finally decided to walk through the door.  She knew that birthing this baby would not be easy, but as a rural mid-wife in Mississippi, she realized that the powerful qualities of clary sage would help ease the child out.

     The mother had already been in labor for 10 hours and had pushed for 5.  The baby’s heartbeat was starting to get more faint.   The mother was exhausted and the mid-wife feared for the safety of both mother and baby. 

       Confident that she held the answer to the woman’s agony in her hands, the mid-wife took a last look at the book “Clinical Aromatherapy for Pregnancy and Childbirth.”  Creating a potion of the ancient remedy, she carried it to the laboring woman, hopeful for a miracle.

The Offering

It was in France

last year, 

When a gentleman offered his arm

As I went down some stairs.

A strong arm --

To keep me from falling.

To keep me safe.

Later, I cried,

As I remembered that kindness.

Remembering Whitney

    

     While standing in the check-out line at the grocery store this afternoon, I found myself humming the first Whitney Houston song I remember hearing, “How Will I Know”:

“There's a boy I know
He's the one I dream of
Looks into my eyes
Takes me to the clouds above.

Ooh, I lose control
Can't seem to get enough
When I wake from dreaming
Tell me is it really love…

How will I know?
(Don't trust your feelings)
How will I know?

How will I know?
(Love can be deceiving)
How will I know?

How will I know if he really loves me,
I say a prayer with every heart beat
I fall in love whenever we meet
I'm asking you what you know about these things.

How will I know if he's thinking of me
I try to phone but I'm too shy
(Can't speak)
Falling in love is all bitter sweet
This love is strong why do I feel weak

Oh, wake me, I'm shaking,
Wish I had you near me now,
Said there's no mistaking,
What I feel is really love.

Oh tell me how will I know?
(Don't trust your feelings)
How will I know?

How will I know?
(Love can be deceiving)
How will I know…

If he loves me, if he loves me not
If he loves me, if he loves me not
If he loves me, if he loves me not

How will I know…

How will I know if he really loves me?
I say a prayer with every heart beat,
I fall in love whenever we meet,
I'm asking you 'cause you know about these things
How will I know…
(I'll fall in love)
How will I know?”

[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/w/whitney-houston-lyrics/how-will-i-know-lyrics.html;  songwriters:  Shannon Rubicam; George Merill; Michael Walden]

     Early Sunday morning, when I first learned of Whitney Houston’s death, I immediately thought of the first time I’d ever heard her sing.  Rewind to 1985 in Sitka, Alaska, birthplace of my son, Christopher, and the best place I’ve ever lived.  On my lunch hour, I’d venture over to the Sheldon Jackson College gym, where about 75 men and women gathered for an aerobics class.  The music blared, and the instructor moved us rapidly through the paces, her voice audible above the pulsating music.  The singer belted out the words:  “How will I know… If he loves me, if he loves me not…How will I KNOW?”  With a plaintive, prolonged rise of an octave or two on “know.”  “Who is THAT?  You say her name is Whitney?  I’ve never heard of her.”  That song created energy in Lee Anderson’s aerobics class.  I still associate Whitney Houston with that first song of hers that I remember.

     In talking with friends about our sadness over her passing, I’m amazed at how many people recall the times and places when they listened to her music:  at the beach, at the prom, on the road, or just while growing up in the 80’s.  I just looked at the Youtube video for “How Will I Know,” and I was blown away by the staging of it:  balletic dancing, humor, kinetic energy, an artistic set, and of course, a very young, flirty, and fresh-faced Whitney.  I enjoyed the clever touch of showing Whitney looking up at a slide of her godmother, Aretha Franklin, as she sings:  “I’m askin’ you; ‘cause you know about these things.”  You can check out the video for yourselves here:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3-hY-hlhBg&ob=av2n.  I DARE you not to move while listening to this song.  My gosh, it is addicting!  And that SAX!  I’m dancin’ and singin’ while it’s playing! 

     According to music industry records, the song “I Will Always Love You” by Dolly Parton was Whitney Houston’s most popular hit.  In this song, Whitney gets to showcase her 3 octave vocal range.  There’s a pause, a drumbeat, and her soaring voice plaintively singing “I will always love you” with that stratospherically high note on the word “you.”

     In reviewing Whitney’s body of work, I was amazed to see all that she accomplished in her life:  a concert in Central Park, singing the “Star Spangled Banner” at the Super Bowl while the Persian Gulf War was going on, and hundreds of awards and honors.  Most impressive, however, was the influence she had on other singers, like Mariah Carey, Jennifer Hudson, and Keke Palmer.  She allowed the fact that she had come from music royalty to take her to the limit.

     Take a moment to remember your favorite song by Whitney Houston, and perhaps this will ease the sting of her death somewhat.  One thing is for certain, her musical talent will burn brightly forever.

What We Need to Learn From the French

    

     Last year, I had the amazing good fortune to win an all expense paid trip to Paris.  I never really had Paris on my radar before, in spite of having visited other large European cities:  London, Oslo, Amsterdam, Brussels.

     My “first day” impressions centered  mostly around how clean Paris seemed to be for such a large city.  The air smelled fresh, even at the airport -- I didn’t notice any buses and transport vans spewing black smoke.  I wondered if this might be due to the use of biofuels.  I also had the equivalent of a “private tour” of Paris on the way to the hotel, thanks to a generous and good-natured Paris Shuttle driver, Kareem.  He delighted in pointing out every landmark on the way to the hotel:  the Ritz Hotel, the Louvre, the Eiffel Tower, the Opera House, the Invalides Musuem, and Napoleon’s statue.  I told him that I was jealous of him, for living in such a beautiful city.   He laughed, pleased at how happy I was to view the majesty of his native city.

     There were other wonderful memories – a sumptuous breakfast served every morning, side trips to Normandy and Giverney, daily walks to the Luxembourg Gardens, (only a 10 minute walk from my hotel), magnificent apartment houses with flowers cascading down wrought iron balconies, bakeries, boutiques, and flower shops, and the ever-constant flow of traffic and pedestrians.

     One would think that Paris, being one of the world’s largest cities, would be one of the most impatient, filled with rude shop keepers anxious to cash in on American dollars, and natives too preoccupied to be concerned about foreigners’ impressions of them.

     However, nothing could be further from the truth.  There is a reason Paris is the number one tourist destination in the world – it’s the hospitality that is shown to visitors.  Back in the 1970’s and early 80’s, Paris did have a bit of a rep for being rude.  However, President Mitterand changed all that with a massive campaign to make Paris more “Tourist Friendly.”  

     There is one other quality that stood out in my experience, and that was the empathy and nice manners of the French.  For example, I noticed a group of French business colleagues in the dining area of my hotel.  Turned out they worked for the same insurance agency in Brittany.  Meeting for breakfast, the women joining the group greeted each other with a kiss on each cheek, and the men shook hands.  Mind you, they probably see each other every day at work, but the fact that they took the time to greet each other this way was very pleasing to see.  I imagined that a group of American colleagues would offer cheery “good mornings”, “hi ya’s” and high five’s, and not this more formal type of greeting. 

     I noticed the same thing at the Paris airport.  Passing co-workers would take a few seconds to acknowledge one another with handshakes.  How very nice!   

     But even more impressive than the nice manners, was the quality of empathy that I experienced directly.  When I had trouble negotiating some steps at one of the D-Day sights in Normandy, there appeared a kind gentleman who noticed my hesitation.  He graciously offered his arm, while his understanding wife waited patiently for a moment. 

    Then there was the kind woman who helped me in a boutique as I struggled to get out the right change.  She smiled, understandingly, then said, “it’s difficult, no?”  She sensed my appreciation of her kindness, remarking, “that’s how we are – it’s the French compassion.”

     I thought about these experiences the other morning when I was at a Starbucks enjoying a coffee.  A group of the employees started complaining about how the cleaning crew had failed to properly tidy up the night before.  Their comments were audible to the 3 or 4 other customers trying to enjoy their food.  I finally got up and discreetly said something to the person I thought was the manager, but it didn’t do any good.  Oh well, I could just as well enjoy my coffee on the trip back to Tarboro.

     And then I thought about my Paris trip, and what we can learn from the French, just simple good manners, and empathy. 

     I hope to go back to Paris some day, but I probably won’t be visiting that Starbucks any time soon.

Thanksgiving Gratitude

1.I'm grateful that my family came for Thanksgiving with their 2 happy dogs.
2.The kitchen is clean.
3.My mother's silver was used at dinner on Thanksgiving.
4.I didn't  have to cook a turkey.
5.I visited with my nephew, the filmmaker.
6.I had the fixings for pumpkin pie.
7.The day was beautiful and sunny.
8.So was the next.
9.There were friendly people to help at Loew's.
10.Even at Walmart!
11.I'm grateful I have a guy friend.
12.That i'm finally getting new carpet in my son's old bedroom.
13.I had seasonal napkins for meals this week.
14.I'm planning a river walk with my family.
15.I'm grateful for my
neighbor, Jeni.
16.For my house.
17.For my little great-nephew
18.For the chance to see him more often.
10.For privacy
11.For love.
12.For forgiveness
13.For being open.
14.For being generous.
15.For ignoring an insult.
16.For not
running away.
17.For skipping the gym.
18.for rest and relaxation.
19.for a marathon tomorrow.
20.for having enough
21.for classical radio.
22.for Marvin Gaye
23.and Tammi Terrell.
24.for Pandora
25.for new music
26.for keeping food simple
27.for not giving in
28.for waiting
29.for honesty
30.for ceiling fans
31.for not going back
32.for being quiet
33.for secrets
34.for peace
35.for the Y
36.for not retaliating
37.for lawn chairs
38.prayer flags
39.a new day tomorrow
40.no regrets
41.setting boundaries
42.dressing up
43.dressing down
44.for my mother and father
45.for Rockport, MA
46.for friends
47.for get togethers
48.for canned pumpkin
49.for Adam
50.and cameras
51.for farmers
52.for freedom to attend the churches of my choice
53.for curiosity
54.for medication
55.for touch
56.massage
57.lavender oil
58.seeking god's will
59.for
blessing my family
60.for broccoli
61.and grape tomatoes
62.for John Steinbeck
63.and Ernest Hemingway
64.for my son and daughter-in-law
65.for the new flowers and bushes that my nephew planted on Thanksgiving
66.for not having to cook this holiday
67.for the Christmas cactus my nephew surprised me with
68.for music by the Battlefield Band
69.and Alex Cuba.
70.for my movie buddy
71.and watching The Bucket List last night
72.for the NC Writers' Network
73.for prayer flags
74/.for getting a fairly long walk in today
75.for stretches
76.Brazilian music
77.for 6 months abstinence
78.being caffeine free
79.for feeling beautiful
80.green tea
81.for India
82.that my sugarless pumpkin pie turned out great
83.for the heat from my little heater when it blows on my feet
84.for candlelight
85.moonlight
86.feeling safe
87.feeling peaceful
88.for having enough
89.cool days and nights
90.for income
91.for perseverance
92.for feeling blessed
93.God to watch over me
94.and surround me
95.and keep me from fear
96.for good books to read
97.for time
98.and patience
99.hope
100.and optimism
101.I am grateful for communion.
102.for work to do
103.for the steps to take
104.for the tool of writing
105.for healthy alternatives
106.for my family
107.for the view from my kitchen window
108.for poetry
109.for moving gracefully
110.for Raleigh
 111.for my stationary bike
112.for deep breaths
113.for my health
114.for being well
115.for healthy food to eat
116.for freedom from refined sugar
117.for acceptance and tolerance
118.for relaxing and taking it easy
119.for courage
120.for freedom
121.for this statement:  "thy will be done"
122.that God is doing for me what I couldn't do for myself.
123.I'm grateful for Fran
124.Mary Ruth
125.Carla
126.Simplicity
127.all the beauty in my life
128.warm clothes to wear
129.Chapel Hill, NC
130.nature
131.the trail group from Greenville
132.Duke University
133.Beverly
134.wellness
 135.a flexible body
136.a willingness to do the next right thing
137.freedom
138.faith
139.commitments
140.a warm house
141.love in my life
142.peace in my life
143.privacy
144.outreach calls
145.connections
146.a healthy body
147.eyes to see
148.ears to hear
149.discussions at church
150.looking forward to the future
151.willingness
152.compassion for self and others
153.gratitude lists
154.I am grateful for exercise
155.for service opportunities
156.for having a program
157.for being relaxed
158.for enjoying the moment
159.for letting God do for me what I cannot do for myself
160.for being generous
161.for the courage to change
162.for my difficult neighbors because I'm glad I'm not like them
163.for changes happening in my life
164.for being open
165.that I have a Higher Power
166.that I'm not running the show
167.that I threw away my coffee maker
168.for the promise of a new freedom and a new happiness
169.for not regretting the past or wanting to shut the door on it
170.for my God box
171.for opportunities
172.for acceptance of what happened
173.for setting boundaries
174.for freedom to act
175.for serenity
176.for Annette
177.Larissa
178.for a service opportunity this afternoon
179.for a clean house
180.for Christmas decorations
181.for the willingness to right my mistakes
182.for the words:  "this too shall pass"
183.for knowing the meaning of peace
184.for beauty around me
185.for courage to change
186.for the Internet so I can read other's gratitude lists
187.for taking care of myself
188.for National Public Radio
189.for willingness
190.for God's guidance
191.for acting "as if"
192.for the Promises
193.for turning over my worry and fear
194.for living in a quiet and safe area
195.for God protecting me
196.for looking my best
197.for doing my best
198.for living in the present
199.for happiness
200.for being agreeable

Thanksgiving Essay by John Tierney

     A Serving of Gratitude May Save the Day

By John Tierney

November 22, 2011 Tuesday

The most psychologically correct holiday of the year is upon us.

 

Thanksgiving may be the holiday from hell for nutritionists, and it produces plenty of war stories for psychiatrists dealing with drunken family meltdowns. But it has recently become the favorite feast of psychologists studying the consequences of giving thanks. Cultivating an ''attitude of gratitude'' has been linked to better health, sounder sleep, less anxiety and depression, higher long-term satisfaction with life and kinder behavior toward others, including romantic partners. A new study shows that feeling grateful makes people less likely to turn aggressive when provoked, which helps explain why so many brothers-in-law survive Thanksgiving without serious injury.

 

But what if you're not the grateful sort? I sought guidance from the psychologists who have made gratitude a hot research topic. Here's their advice for getting into the holiday spirit -- or at least getting through dinner Thursday:

 

Start with ''gratitude lite.'' That's the term used by Robert A. Emmons, of the University of California, Davis, for the technique used in his pioneering experiments he conducted along with Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami. They instructed people to keep a journal listing five things for which they felt grateful, like a friend's generosity, something they'd learned, a sunset they'd enjoyed.

 

The gratitude journal was brief -- just one sentence for each of the five things -- and done only once a week, but after two months there were significant effects. Compared with a control group, the people keeping the gratitude journal were more optimistic and felt happier. They reported fewer physical problems and spent more time working out.

 

Further benefits were observed in a study of polio survivors and other people with neuromuscular problems. The ones who kept a gratitude journal reported feeling happier and more optimistic than those in a control group, and these reports were corroborated by observations from their spouses. These grateful people also fell asleep more quickly at night, slept longer and woke up feeling more refreshed.

 

''If you want to sleep more soundly, count blessings, not sheep,'' Dr. Emmons advises in ''Thanks!'' his book on gratitude research.

 

Don't confuse gratitude with indebtedness. Sure, you may feel obliged to return a favor, but that's not gratitude, at least not the way psychologists define it. Indebtedness is more of a negative feeling and doesn't yield the same benefits as gratitude, which inclines you to be nice to anyone, not just a benefactor.

 

In an experiment at Northeastern University, Monica Bartlett and David DeSteno sabotaged each participant's computer and arranged for another student to fix it. Afterward, the students who had been helped were likelier to volunteer to help someone else -- a complete stranger -- with an unrelated task. Gratitude promoted good karma. And if it works with strangers ....

 

Try it on your family. No matter how dysfunctional your family, gratitude can still work, says Sonja Lyubomirsky of the University of California, Riverside.

 

''Do one small and unobtrusive thoughtful or generous thing for each member of your family on Thanksgiving,'' she advises. ''Say thank you for every thoughtful or kind gesture. Express your admiration for someone's skills or talents -- wielding that kitchen knife so masterfully, for example. And truly listen, even when your grandfather is boring you again with the same World War II story.''

 

Don't counterattack. If you're bracing for insults on Thursday, consider a recent experiment at the University of Kentucky. After turning in a piece of writing, some students received praise for it while others got a scathing evaluation: ''This is one of the worst essays I've ever read!''

 

Then each student played a computer game against the person who'd done the evaluation. The winner of the game could administer a blast of white noise to the loser. Not surprisingly, the insulted essayists retaliated against their critics by subjecting them to especially loud blasts -- much louder than the noise administered by the students who'd gotten positive evaluations.

 

But there was an exception to this trend among a subgroup of the students: the ones who had been instructed to write essays about things for which they were grateful. After that exercise in counting their blessings, they weren't bothered by the nasty criticism -- or at least they didn't feel compelled to amp up the noise against their critics.

 

''Gratitude is more than just feeling good,'' says Nathan DeWall, who led the study at Kentucky. ''It helps people become less aggressive by enhancing their empathy. ''It's an equal-opportunity emotion. Anyone can experience it and benefit from it, even the most crotchety uncle at the Thanksgiving dinner table.''

 

Share the feeling. Why does gratitude do so much good? ''More than other emotion, gratitude is the emotion of friendship,'' Dr. McCullough says. ''It is part of a psychological system that causes people to raise their estimates of how much value they hold in the eyes of another person. Gratitude is what happens when someone does something that causes you to realize that you matter more to that person than you thought you did.''

 

Try a gratitude visit.  This exercise, recommended by Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania, begins with writing a 300-word letter to someone who changed your life for the better. Be specific about what the person did and how it affected you. Deliver it in person, preferably without telling the person in advance what the visit is about. When you get there, read the whole thing slowly to your benefactor. ''You will be happier and less depressed one month from now,'' Dr. Seligman guarantees in his book ''Flourish.''

 

Contemplate a higher power. Religious individuals don't necessarily act with more gratitude in a specific situation, but thinking about religion can cause people to feel and act more gratefully, as demonstrated in experiments by Jo-Ann Tsang and colleagues at Baylor University. Other research shows that praying can increase gratitude.

 

Go for deep gratitude. Once you've learned to count your blessings, Dr. Emmons says, you can think bigger.

 

''As a culture, we have lost a deep sense of gratefulness about the freedoms we enjoy, a lack of gratitude toward those who lost their lives in the fight for freedom, a lack of gratitude for all the material advantages we have,'' he says. ''The focus of Thanksgiving should be a reflection of how our lives have been made so much more comfortable by the sacrifices of those who have come before us.''

 

And if that seems too daunting, you can least tell yourself –

 

Hey, it could always be worse. When your relatives force you to look at photos on their phones, be thankful they no longer have access to a slide projector. When your aunt expounds on politics, rejoice inwardly that she does not hold elected office. Instead of focusing on the dry, tasteless turkey on your plate, be grateful the six-hour roasting process killed any toxic bacteria.

 

Is that too much of a stretch? When all else fails, remember the Monty Python mantra of the Black Plague victim: ''I'm not dead.'' It's all a matter of perspective.

 

Tell me who admires and loves you, and I will tell you who you are.
                                                                                      Antoine de Saint-Exupery