Another Look at the Big Book

Another Look at the Big Book

By Dana Stone, February 18, 2018

I first read the Big Book over 10 years ago.  In the early 2000’s I was concerned about my own drinking enough to start going to AA and pour my alcohol down the drain.  I’d become a social drinker of the kind that I had a glass or two of wine almost everyday with dinner.  I’d been embarrassed by my behavior after drinking at least twice.  I reached the conclusion that I didn’t need to drink, that it served no real purpose in my life.

I attended some AA meetings nearby, then realized my real problem was with food –eating too much.  A bulletin board at my dr.’s office had the 15 questions on it.  I sure could relate.

Bill’s Story:  As I started reading the Big Book again, I was struck by the fact that it was written over 80 years ago. 

One of my favorite pages in literature is the beginning of Bill’s Story:  “war fever was on.”  Bill fought in World War I, just like my dad.  Bill discovered the pleasure of alcohol there.  I wonder if my dad did too.  My dad stopped drinking before I was born, nevertheless the situation affected me and the rest of the family:  my brother the over achiever and heroic figure, me the child with “frozen tears.” 

Being a lover of history, Bill’s story of the tombstone outside the Winchester Cathedral really hit me.  I checked the net and yep, it’s there.  I wonder how many visitors inspired by the Big Book have visited it.  I shall have to find out.

Also, I think this chapter mentions the visitor Bill had. Chapter II:  was this Ebby?  Was it Dr. Silkworth Bill saw who told him he’d never seen “such a bad case?”

Chapter II:  I was struck by the amount of alcohol that Bill drank – a quart at a time wasn’t unusual. 

Likewise, I’m amazed by the amount of food I used to eat.  Two cans of black beans mixed with mayo while watching documentaries.  God!  Hard to imagine!   Eating a box of cookies intended for the neighbor child or my church group.  I just can’t have the stuff around!

Then there was my Christmas escapade at the Carolina Inn.  The chocolate chip cookies called to me and I listened.  Eight or so eaten in my beautiful hotel room surrounded by inspiring documents associated with the University of North Carolina.  This is “spree eating”.  It happened again recently when I was disturbed by Morry’s comments.  I used things like that as an excuse to eat a half-gallon of ice crème.  “Taking the poison” so to speak.  I know now to avoid Morry (I did so for two years).   Maybe avoiding that meeting until the guideline about sharing specific foods is removed.  This is a big trigger for me.

Chapter III:   This chapter talks about the irrational beliefs of alcoholics.  The guy who thinks he can add a little to his milk and it “won’t hurt.”  This chapter touches on relapse.  When relapse happened, my ED was worse than ever. It lasted about two years, I think.   I started frequenting places that flirted with my abstinence.  I really didn’t care, but I became concerned that the ED would kill me.  I HAD to stop COE and couldn’t.  However, a Higher Power intervened and revealed to me the many benefits of not eating compulsively.  Thank you!  Around this time I worked with a new sponsor also.  What a miracle!  I have three days of abstinence now and want to hang on to it for dear life.  Divine Intervention indeed.

This chapter also describes the crazy things we did while [drinking].  Using in the car, for example.  My car is a mess because of this.  We also justify a spree:  someone hurt our feelings or whatever.  In the BB it says we started to find new “playmates” -that is certainly true for me.  I really need to avoid people who are triggers for me.

Eating to solve problems is like having a headache and hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.  Eating will NEVER solve our physical or emotional pain – it only makes it worse.