A Little Self Compassion Goes a Long Way

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mental-health/4-ways-to-boost-your-self-compassion



great article from the Harvard Medical Newsletter

Skipping Christmas

      So tomorrow will be the first Christmas I've not been with family or a boyfriend.  So, I decided to skip it.  Just imagine, no presents to unwrap, no messy papers to toss, ribbons to save, and best of all, no stuff!  

      So...what to do.  Develop a plan.   Get up early for a change.  I've decided not to sleep in.  How about a visit to Saxapaha.  How I love the name!!!  

       Tonight is Christmas Eve, and Duke Chapel announced that there will be a community chorus -- anyone who wants can show up by 9:00 p.m. and be part of it!!!   Before that, I might attend the Love Feast at Farm Church (since Durham Pres. won't be having its Christmas Eve service this year. (Franklin is on Sabbatical, and Alex is in Nantucket.). 

      Farm Church is a new church that has a huge garden and harvests for the entire community.  I actually came across it a couple of years ago while walking around Trinity Park after a concert.  There were several people working, planting, and turning the soil.  I chatted with one of the men who is a minister.  He told me the story of Farm Church and how the founders traveled around the country to find the right site.  And they chose Durham!

      Yesterday, I dropped by the Carolina Inn to buy a few gifts at the Holiday Market.  Last year, I spent Christmas there and what an experience!!!   In fact, I wrote a poem about it, in the spirit of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.  I sent it their Marketing Department, so who knows what they'll do with it.  I copyrighted it, so they will need to compensate me for it.  I'd definitely take $500, or a week at the Inn, sometime after Christmas when the University is open.  That way, I could visit Wilson Library, and research George Moses Horton.  His papers are there.

      I'm so glad I didn't get a job during the holidays at Barnes and Noble.  Probably my age -- who knows?  Who cares?   A couple of health issues distracted me a bit, like a breast cancer scare.  I feel like I have a new lease on life after Friday when my visit to the Duke Cancer Center was over.  I must say that the radiologist, Dr. Lucy Lu (can you believe that?), rock!  She had to do ultrasound.  We talked up a storm the whole time and I was going to read her my poem.  (She would have listened!)  But she was called out.  That's ok.

       Plenty of opportunities to volunteer around here.  My favorite is the one that involves helping with farm animals at a refuge.  Pigs are there, and who knows what else.

       Also, there's ice skating at Bright Leaf.   That would be fun.  And I absolutely MUST give to my favorite causes, like: 

• the Southern Poverty Law Center
• volunteering my time at Communities in Schools
• the American Dance Festival

     

The Yoke

https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/1570-yoke-of-christ-the

I love this idea of the yoke of Christ.  Even when the people of Jesus' time rebuked him, he invited them to be united with him in kindness, for His yoke was gentle, and his burden, light.

This morning I read Wayne Jackson's article on this concept.  So probing, so insightful.  Gave me a lot to think about.

I have to go back to have an x-ray done tomorrow.  These kinds of things always get one's attention but I'll do the right and healthy thing.

Klansman at Heart

Klansman at Heart

no excuse that you were 

raised at a different time

in a different generation

that people your age make

mistakes occasionally

your repeated racial slurs

portray who you really are

a Klansman at heart.

A Hundred Things

1.  the Friday Noon Poets holiday luncheon at Mangionnes
2.  sitting next to julian waller and hearing about his medical work to help curb the rate of death on the highways due to drunk driving.
3.  sharing my experience with ASAP in Virginia and the controversies therein, especially with a certain judge (Snidow) who was easy on drunk drivers.  Being an alcoholic himself, he refused to take their licenses.
4.  buying make-up at Sephora today -- fun!
5.  leftovers from the restaurant
6.  walking for an hour and a half, including doing chores
7.  getting home in time to go to the gym
8.  lenox baker tomorrow -- yay, heated pool!
9.  makings for pumpkin soup
10. picking up a few things at Aldi
11. new spa, Flawless, where i'd like to get my hair cut and colored
12. refraining from watching the news
13. had a Diet Coke at the bar in Mangionnes, which was refreshing!
14. got the 5 poems to Doug Stubbier
15.  talking with the mgr of Mangionnes about how much our group enjoyed our experience.
17.  Aruna for making the arrangements for the restaurant today
18.  buying 2 of Aruna's books -- hope they are in the car!!!
19.  the secretary is closed up
20.  a trip to the Carolina Inn to meet Savannah in marketing
21.  hearing Thich Naht Kanh's book on audio
22.  nice chat w larry and molly in the library
23.  going to raleigh on Monday
24.  nick and blair's children
25.  my dad's WWI letters
26.  Mike Tyus
27.  the phrase "Movement is the Movement"
28.  maybe getting a tee shirt made with that phrase w Mike's photo underneath
29.  remembering i gotta get a new printer
30.  my phone working again
31.  not taking pain meds
32.  jogging in the pool yesterday and being sore today
33.  moving slowly and being ok w that
34.  john harmon stone (john has his daguerreotype)
35.  archives
36.  my poem about george moses horton
37.  my poet friends  -- all of 'em!
38.  the sundance now channel
39.  diana at the Y
40.  hazel also
41.
42.  my jazz poems
43.  determination
44.  hillcrest
45.  friend bill jones there
46.  not rushing
47.  beverly
48.  history
49.  tim tyson
50.  the lessons of grief
51.  the lessons of suffering
52.  doing the best i can
53.  on Saturday i need to apply for the AF grant to travel to d.c. for the cause
54.  new books
55.  the Daily Tar Heel -- outstanding student newspaper
56.  the Carolina Inn
57.  stopping
58.  this phrase -- the courage to change the things i can
59.  neil not calling me
60.  Kathy T and I are going to see Mary Queen of Scots
61.  Canada and New Zealand
62.  Ireland
63.  Dr. Murano
64.  ShaLeigh Fairbanks
65.  letting go of the job of Barnes & Noble since i don't want to work in retail
66.  moderate dinner
67.  the book The Mindful Diet
68.  the Duke Center for Integrative Medicine
69.  already have 69 things!
70.  George Harrison
71.  a fantastic son
72.  reading The Blood of Emmett Till
73.  Dorothy -- Duke student at Hillcrest.
74.  Robert Frost
75.  participating in Toys for Tots this year
76.  talking to my bro this morning
77.  Cousin Andy
78.  the WWI Hell Fighter and jazz musician by the name of Europe
79.  the gym up the hill
80.  Thich Naht Hahn's book that I'm reading
81.  the dancer Mike Tyus
82.  really good night's sleep last night
83.  roasted brussel sprouts
84.  dinner almost ready
85.  a walk in the wintry air
86.  snowfall tonite
87.  Durham Museum of History
88.  chill'n for the rest of the night
89.  Stagville Plantation
90.  Not having to go to the store
91.  relaxing
92.  Sundance Channel
93.  Magionnes for a holiday luncheon
94.  quinoa pasta
95.  the idea of the Yoke of Christ
96.  NPR
97.  my galoshes
98.  nice new neighbors
99.  letting go
100. Kim Stafford

SLEEP MUSIC

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9ChzbUfd2Q

8 HR. SLEEP MEDITATION MUSIC   (MY FAVORITE)

Gratitude for Today

1.  Hearing a lecture by Tim Tyson yesterday and getting his book.
2.  The On Display performance went well tonight and Beth's husband took photos.
3  I found my keys, left at Pleides.
4. Seeing the mural on the wall near DAC.
5.  Pleisdes has a painting of the shoe shine artist I spoke with several years ago.
6.  I hope he's ok.
7.  I walked for 30 min.
8.  Made yummy guacamole.
9.  Saw a gorgeous hawk -- spotted underbelly (red tail hawk?)  Must call Piedmont WC to find out.
10.  Kept moving today even thru pain.
11.  Mild weather today.
12.  Ted's home!
13.  The hawk posed for me.
14.  Faye Mayo -- thought of her today.  Must call her.
15.  Alternatives to that sweet milk i put in my coffee.  Christine sent the link.
16.  the New Zealand Prayerbook

Heart of Buddha Thich Naht Hanh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-n-dSDLj3Y&t=14714s

"Getting Unglued"

from p. 128 of Jeff Brantley's book:  5 good minutes

"Spend 5 minutes working on getting unstuck from pressures.  Even if there are no simple solutions to your immediate situation, imagine that there are alternatives just around the corner if you are patient and open to receiving them...consider these questions:

• Do I really need these things in order to be happy?

• What small changes can I make right now that might slowly give me the space I need to find more contentment in my life?"

I'm feeling overwhelmed with clutter right now.   For example, the big chest is filled with photographs.  Many of them are framed.  I feel "antsy" just knowing they are in there.

Solution:  invest in a scrapbook album for the photographs, and donate the frames they were in.

Hummm...keeping the kitchen clean is hard....

Solution:   Make sure the kitchen is clean before I go to bed.  Clean as I go along.  Keep kitchen counters clean and invest in new sponges.

Shanann Watts

     I caught a little bit about her case in August of this year, and immediately tuned out.  Didn't follow much about what happened.  Then, last week or so,  I happened to see the testimony of Shanann's brother.  So heartfelt.  This family will never be the same.  Her father was so heart broken, just sobbing, sobbing, in the courtroom.  A terrible tragedy.  
     How could something like this happen?  Like the Lindburgh baby's murder that the entire country was following in the 1920's.  
     Shanann Watts, a young mother of two beautiful daughters, Celeste, and Bella.  Her husband, Chris Watts, annihilated his family.  Too horrible to comprehend.  Was he a sociopath?  A psychopath?  Will we ever know?  So many questions, with no answers.
     Justice was served -- he will never get out of jail.  His crimes surely must be among the worst in American history.
     I hope the family will be able to carry on and that they and others who knew Shanann will be at peace.  She will surely be remembered as a gorgeous young mom, who touched a lot of lives.

     I happened to come across the discovery for this case.  I cannot believe it is on the Internet.   https://www.scribd.com
The way law enforcement, medical personnel, and so many other facets helped solve this horrific crime is impressive indeed, especially the importance and care given the case by the Frederick, Colorado Police Department.  This case was quickly solved thanks to their quick action.  They wasted no time responding to the initial call for help by way of 
Shanann's friend.

     I'm done now with it and move on to the tasks at hand.
     
     
     

Mindful Eating

In Buddhism, you are what and how you eat.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/02/25/for-buddhist-master-you-a_n_828450.html 

He Should Have Stayed At Home

     I deeply regret that President Trump visited France recently, on the eve of the Armistice of World War I.  Even before he landed, Trump had disrespected President Macron on Twitter.  President Trump is an embarrassment.  Plain and simple.

Here's a commentary from the New Yorker:

"Historical ignorance is a Trump leitmotif. He started attacking Macron on Friday, just before Air Force One landed in Paris, tweeting, “President Macron of France has just suggested that Europe build its own military in order to protect itself from the U.S., China and Russia. Very insulting, but perhaps Europe should first pay its fair share of nato, which the U.S. subsidizes greatly!” Trump returned to the White House on Sunday, skipping the three-day Paris Peace Forum, and on Tuesday morning he resumed his mis-capitalized assault. He tweeted, “Emmanuel Macron suggests building its own army to protect Europe against the U.S., China and Russia. But it was Germany in World Wars One & Two - How did that work out for France? They were starting to learn German in Paris before the U.S. came along. Pay for natoor not!” And then: “On Trade, France makes excellent wine, but so does the U.S. The problem is that France makes it very hard for the U.S. to sell its wines into France, and charges big Tariffs, whereas the U.S. makes it easy for French wines, and charges very small Tariffs. Not fair, must change!” Lastly, he took a few weak shots at Macron’s low approval rating at home before thumbing out “make france great again!”

So much historical ignorance crowded into so few characters! Macron, in talking of “building his own army,” was actually talking about doing what Trump supposedly wants him to do, i.e., spending more on the military to let Europe protect itself. (This is, in fact, a long-standing French preoccupation; de Gaulle withdrew the French Navy from nato because he didn’t want to be dependent on the Americans, whom he did not completely trust.) The actual logic of the alliance, from an American point of view, was always supposed to be: let’s all pay something, and we’ll pay even more, because it’s cheaper to protect Europe than it is to fight European wars, and that way we have reliable friends. The point of the alliance was to have allies, not shake-down victims. But long-term altruism for long-term benefit is not a concept that Trump can handle.

Indeed, Trump seems incapable of understanding the concept of an alliance at all, much as he does not seem to understand the concept of loyalty. When he cites someone as a friend, it means that he (usually mistakenly) thinks that the person has adopted a supine position. He’s almost always wrong, as with the case of Kim Jong Un, of North Korea, but it is the limit of his conception of alliances."

Writers, De-Clutter!

https://www.writermag.com/writing-inspiration/the-writing-life/declutter-hoarded-story-ideas/


From Writer's Magazine

Re-grouping

Rainy day, Christine here for coaching.   She's a vegan....also.

My goals:  walk every day.  Use the exercise bike at night instead of plopping down on the chaise lounge.

The Pleasure Trap:  Dr. Doug Lyle:  video on YouTube.

Find substitutions:  like knitting
                                moving
                                dancing

Never Binge Again:  Mentions Rules.
1.  Eat at the table.
2.  Consider myself great company.
3.  HAVE CLASSICAL MUSIC ON
4.  SMOOTHIES AND FRUIT
5.  CONSIDER A RAW DINNER
6.  LET THE FOOD PLAN BE MY IDENTITY
7.  INTERNALIZE THE FOOD PLAN --  CONSIDER THE FOOD CORPORATIONS THAT WANT US TO INDULGE IN JUNK.  DON'T EAT JUNK!!!!!
8.  REMEMBER THE POTLUCK THIS THURSDAY.  AT MELANIE'S.
9.

The One Hundred Good Things

1.  My primary doc, Allison Gard
2.  binaural beats
3.  librarians in general but especially Brandy the medical librarian at Duke's HSL
4.  relaxing
5.  lenox baker pool
6.  ladybugs
7.  steevie
8.  therapists
9.  warm water aerobics
10. banned books week
11. warm baths with epsom salts
12. not owning a house
13. mushrooms
14. christine frost
15. mali
16. bb king
17. using my iPhone  for reminders
18. eggs
19. not being a failure
20. being my own daughter
21. watching the circus doc on The American Experience
22.  Margot's picture in my secretary
23.  coffee free for the 3rd day
24.  jean black
25.  my pharmacist
27.  warmth
28.  heating pads
29.  Alex Trez
30/  Duke Chapel
31.  franklin the crisis dog
32.  puppy therapy
33.  my poem, I Am the Sky
34.  "this too shall pass"
35.  clean clothes
36.  pumpkin butter
37.  meditation
38.  not going to a halloween party
39.  making peace with food
40.  max richter sleep music
41.  blood pressure pretty good today:  130 over something
42.  having alex, morgan, maggie, and tom over for dinner
43.  last night's performance of songs by incarcerated women
44.  alex was on the state of things
45.  frank stacie
47.  wrote lots of poetry upon mimi's death
48.  deciding not to go to the writers' conference in charlotte on friday
49.  car running great
50.  avocados = good fat
51.  evening Qi Gong
52.  Tai Chi Chai -- soothing movement
53.   bb king to gaga technique
54.   not working for a newspaper
55.  clean kitchen and bathroom
56. Emmanual Marcon, President of France
57.  the woods behind my house
58.  ease
59.  stirring historical events
60.  having my father's WWI letters
61.  christine
62.  UU
63.  squash
64.  public radio
65,  tofu
66.  deep breaths
67.  the words of Jesus in red ink
68.  the Bible I bought in Alaska
69.  teaching kids who had been kicked out of school
70.  forgiving
71.  this sentence:  "forgive them no matter what they have done to you."
72.  the idea of the body as a temple
73.  my therapist
74.  my beautiful granddaughters
75.  a job interview soon
76.  30 min. walking today
77.  rest
78.  history
79.  Deborah
80.  Jacqueline
81.  Stacy
82.  poetry
83.  saturdays's broadcast on WUNC from a fayetteville vet
84.  the world war I poets
85.Illustrated Posters
86.  the "yoke"  concept
87.  meditation
88.  prayer
89.  a new beginning
90.  babies
91.  vitamins
92.  a meditation for pain on youtube.
93.  relaxing music
94.  having an iPhone
95.  my family
96.  mindfulness
97.  Rumi
98.  volunteering
99.  new store -- Sprouts
100.  letting go and surrender
101.  the 4:30 meeting on tues. of 90day OA

Rafael Campo

I just discovered this poet, published by the Duke University Press:  Rafael Campo.  He's a poet of deep sensitivity and perception.

Comfort Measures Only

“Rafael Campo is one acquainted with the night—in detail. Wrestling with the lives and deaths of patients who are always individuals to him, and with his own personal blend of body and soul, love and guilt, compassion and exhaustion, fighting pain with the magnificent weap­onry of language and cadence, in poem after poem he says to us what he cannot say to the man in the bed: ‘You’re crying, just like me; you are alive.’”—Alicia Ostriker, author of Waiting for the Light

Praise for Alternative Medicine
“Rafael Campo is an extraordinarily skillful poet: his technique mani­fests itself in the range of forms he so brilliantly masters. But he is also a poet of gravity and poignant observation. Unlike so many people writing today, he has subjects, passions, and themes that are profoundly important.”—Sandra M. Gilbert, poet and Distinguished Professor of English Emerita, University of California, Davis

“In a style both precise and emotional, playful and earnest, Campo delivers a most extraordinary message: that in writing, in seeing, in remembering, and in being, we embody, simultaneously, the ache as well as the cure.”—Briana Shemroske, Booklist

Mimi Christianson

Oct. 19, 2018

I'd been thinking about my dear, dear friend, Mimi Christianson this week.  On Wednesday, I made a mental note to send her a card and remembered to do that yesterday.   I'd noticed on my Facebook page that one of Mimi's friends had posted a photograph of Jim and Mimi taken the summer of 2017 at the annual 4th of July picnic and they looked so robust and healthy.

Under the post, I noticed that Mimi's daughter in-law, Fawn, had written what a great mother-in-law Mimi was.  Fawn so I friended Fawn and sent a message asking how Mimi was.

I usually don't look at my FB page at night, but I did last night.  Fawn had messaged me back, that Mimi had died several hours before.  Ohhh, the sorrow.  Emailed some friends and Katherine called me back around 11:30 last night...so sweet of her.  Morgan called and offered to bring breakfast over and we had a delightful time reminescing and eating oat cakes and apple butter.

I was doing great until I saw Sharon next door and lost it.  Mentioned how Mimi had died yesterday, and how I hadn't yet mailed her card I'd been meaning to send and Sharon mentioned how when someone close to her had once died, and through her tears and sobs, she saw the loved one's face.  And heard a voice that said, 'it's going to be all right'...your friend was transitioning and reaching out to you to say that she was fine and telling you that everything would be all right."

Just hung up on the phone with Julie and we had a long chat.  It helped to grieve, to talk, to recall memories, and to remember that what a giving person Mimi was to all who knew her.  Julie said it succinctly:  "Our lives intersected at that point in time, in Sitka, and even though we all went our separate ways, we stayed connected throughout all the years we knew each other."

I feel her spirit with me now, and she's reaching her arms out to Julie also.  We're all family.  Our lives came together at that picnic on the island 35 years ago.  Without Mimi, I wouldn't have Chris
and so so many memories.

I want to name a constellation after Mimi.  "The Mimi Star."  Powerful how our lives intersected on Christoff Island.  We lived together for a time, went our separate ways, lived our lives, and never forgot Mimi.  Such a selfless person I've never known.  Maternal.  To so many.

http://www.historicmapworks.com/Map/HB/1136783/BWPhotos+159628/Virginia//

Around 1989, I wrote a letter to Mimi from my new home in Knoxville, Tennessee.  I had left Alaska in 1988 to attend grad school at the University of Tennessee.  I'd just read Charlotte's Webb for my class in Children's Sources and Services.  Glenn Estes was the professor.  Quite a scholar he was, having served on a number of Caldecott Committees.  There's a quote about friendship in Charlotte's Webb -- I think is was when Charlotte died:  "Never was there a friend truer than she." or something to that affect.  I sent that quote to Mimi in Sitka, because it epitomized the depth of my friendship with her.  The actual quote goes:   "No one had ever had such a friend—so affectionate, so loyal, and so skillful."(22.5)

Morgan commented that when Mimi moved to Accomack, Virginia she had just as great an impact there as she'd had in Alaska.  In Alaska she was a guardian ad litem, and founded the Sitkans Against Family Violence (SAFV), for abused women.  I volunteered there for a time when I lived in Sitka.  Is it still running?  I definitely think so!

Then there was Mimi's second husband, Chris.  (Warren Christianson).  He had "Classics With Chris" on Raven Radio.  What a character!  He homesteaded in Sitka, claimed an island (originally called "Geirtan" and he changed the name to reflect his:  Christoff Island.  I guess it's still referred to as Geirtan on a  map because I should think it would be difficult to change a name on a map.  I  lived with Chris and Mimi (he refused to call her Mimi) for several months when I moved there in 1982.

October 21, 2018

Had a nice long talk on the phone with Fawn Potash, Mimi's daughter-in-law this morning.  Turns out Mimi did suffer.  Apparently when she went in for her procedure on June 7th, they found something, and her cancer metasthisized to her lymph nodes.  Apparently Miimi also tried immune therapy but had an adverse reaction to it.  She eventually accepted her fate, called in hospice, and got great care.  She was on morphine in the final days and Fawn held her hand til the end.

Mimi was angry at the cancer as it debilitated her so.  She had been vibrant, traveled widely, and had hardly been sick, ever.  Lung cancer is a brutal disease and I can't help but feel angry and upset for the first doctor who brushed her off when she asked for an x-ray.  Damn doctors who minimize their patients, probably just because they don't want to be bothered.  Like the way Dr. Kelly told me I'd do great, while he set my surgery for a month later.  What???


Oct. 22, 2018

She's There

In the pines that gently sway,
in the piece by Vivaldi that I heard today,
in memories that will never fade.
That's Mimi.

There's a small house in Managua
where she brought comfort to a grieving family.
She was a peace-seeker generous with compassion.
How will I get through her passing without her to comfort me?

The last time we spoke, she joked about
how we smoked pot before going to Safeway.
What a time in was, in the early 70's,
three friends living in an old brownstone,
sharing dinners and talking about men.

Activist, humanitarian, friend,
she spread her love wide, around the world and back.

She is here still.

(another poem about mimi -- )

It's Time

To stop grieving,

so much to do,

like dishes, chores, walks in the woods,

cooking, and writing, and Qi Gong,

I'll be fine, I'm getting along,

now you go on.

Go on into your day.

You have to work --

your dance poems to publish,

a memoir to make,

the printer to fix,

a shower to take,

So go on.

Go on into the brand new day.

Oct. 19, 2018

I'd been thinking about my dear, dear friend, Mimi Christianson this week.  On Wednesday, I made a mental note to send her a card and remembered to do that yesterday.   I'd noticed on my Facebook page that one of Mimi's friends had posted a photograph of Jim and Mimi taken the summer of 2017 at the annual 4th of July picnic and they looked so robust and healthy.

Under the post, I noticed that Mimi's daughter in-law, Fawn, had written what a great mother-in-law Mimi was.  Fawn so I friended Fawn and sent a message asking how Mimi was.  I usually don't look at my FB page at night, but I did last night.  Fawn had messaged me back, that Mimi had died several hours before.  Ohhh, the sorrow.  Emailed some friends and Katherine called me back around 11:30 last night...so sweet of her.  Morgan called and offered to bring breakfast over and we had a delightful time reminescing and eating oat cakes and apple butter.

I was doing great until I saw Sharon next door and lost it.  Mentioned how Mimi had died yesterday, and how I hadn't yet mailed her card I'd been meaning to send and Sharon mentioned how when someone close to her had once died, and through her tears and sobs, she saw the loved one's face.  And heard a voice that said, "it's going to be all right...your friend was transitioning and reaching out to you to say that she was fine and telling you that everything would be all right."

Just hung up on the phone with Julie and we had a long chat.  It helped to grieve, to talk, to recall memories, and to remember that what a giving person Mimi was to all who knew her.  Julie said it succinctly:  "Our lives intersected at that point in time, in Sitka, and even though we all went our separate ways, we stayed connected throughout all the years we knew each other."

I feel her spirit with me now, and she's reaching her arms out to Julie also.  We're all family.  Our lives came together at that picnic on the island 35 years ago.  Without Mimi, I wouldn't have Chris

and so so many memories.

I want to name a constellation after Mimi.  "The Mimi Star."  Powerful how our lives intersected on Christoff Island.  We lived together for a time, went our separate ways, lived our lives, and never forgot Mimi.  Such a selfless person I've never known.  Maternal.  To so many.

http://www.historicmapworks.com/Map/HB/1136783/BWPhotos+159628/Virginia//

Around 1989, I wrote a letter to Mimi from my new home in Knoxville, Tennessee.  I had left Alaska in 1988 to attend grad school at the University of Tennessee.  I'd just read Charlotte's Webb for my class in Children's Sources and Services.  Glenn Estes was the professor.  Quite a scholar he was, having served on a number of Caldecott Committees.  There's a quote about friendship in Charlotte's Webb -- I think is was when Charlotte died:  "Never was there a friend truer than she." or something to that affect.  I sent that quote to Mimi in Sitka, because it epitomized the depth of my friendship with her.  The actual quote goes:   "No one had ever had such a friend—so affectionate, so loyal, and so skillful."(22.5)

Morgan commented that when Mimi moved to Accomack, Virginia she had just as great an impact there as she'd had in Alaska.  In Alaska she was a guardian ad litem, and founded the Sitkans Against Family Violence (SAFV), for abused women.  I volunteered there for a time when I lived in Sitka.  Is it still running?  I definitely think so!

Then there was Mimi's second husband, Chris.  (Warren Christianson).  He had "Classics With Chris" on Raven Radio.  What a character!  He homesteaded in Sitka, claimed an island (originally called "Geirtan" and he changed the name to reflect his:  Christoff Island.  I guess it's still referred to as Geirtan on a  map because I should think it would be difficult to change a name on a map.  I  lived with Chris and Mimi (he refused to call her Mimi) for several months when I moved there in 1982.

October 21, 2018

Had a nice long talk on the phone with Fawn Potash, Mimi's daughter-in-law this morning.  Turns out Mimi did suffer.  Apparently when she went in for her procedure on June 7th, they found something, and her cancer metasthisized to her lymph nodes.  Apparently Miimi also tried immune therapy but had an adverse reaction to it.  She eventually accepted her fate, called in hospice, and got great care.  She was on morphine in the final days and Fawn held her hand til the end.

Mimi was angry at the cancer as it debilitated her so.  She had been vibrant, traveled widely, and had hardly been sick, ever.  Lung cancer is a brutal disease and I can't help but feel angry and upset for the first doctor who brushed her off when she asked for an x-ray.  Damn doctors who minimize their patients, probably just because they don't want to be bothered.  Like the way Dr. Kelly told me I'd do great, while he set my surgery for a month later.  What???

Oct. 22, 2018

She's There

In the pines that gently sway,
in the piece by Vivaldi that I heard today,
in memories that will never fade.
That's Mimi.

There's a small house in Managua
where she brought comfort to a grieving family.
She was a peace-seeker generous with compassion.
How will I get through her passing without her to comfort me?

The last time we spoke, she joked about
how we smoked pot before going to Safeway.
What a time in was, in the early 70's,
three friends living in an old brownstone,
sharing dinners and talking about men.

Activist, humanitarian, friend,
she spread her love wide, around the world and back.

She is here still.

(another poem about mimi -- )

It's Time

To stop grieving,

so much to do,

like dishes, chores, walks in the woods,

cooking, and writing, and Qi Gong,

I'll be fine, I'm getting along,

now you go on.

Go on into your day.

You have to work --

your dance poems to publish,

a memoir to make,

the printer to fix,

a shower to take,

So go on.

Go on then into the brand new day.

......

"It takes time."  That's what Steevie told me.  She too was angry, tired, withdrawn, when her father died.  So good to talk with her last night.  

Not so good was when I connected with Kathy the night before (Saturday).  We'd been trying to make contact over the phone and kept missing each other.  How I hate the word "phone tag."  Ridiculous phrase.  You just add to your voice recording something like, "please say the best day and time to get back with you."

So Kathy called around 5pm on Saturday and i answered.  I almost didn't since I really didn't feel like talking.  She said, "Can you really believe we're actually talking with each other?'  She asked how I was doing.  "I'm grieving," I told her and went on to say how a dear friend had passed.  I discussed  how much Mimi had meant to me and eventually Kathy cut in to say, "Can I cut in?"  I thought she might give a few words of comfort.  But she said, "I think I'm grieving too."  And proceeded to discuss the end of a 30 day relationship that had just ended.  She'd left him a text and I told her texts can really be a terrible way to communicate deep feelings.  She offered that she couldn't receive any advice at the moment.  Paused and said, "are we connecting?"

So I told her, "yes, I can hear you just fine."  I really didn't feel like getting into the dynamics of "NVC."  And she replied that she didn't think we were connecting on an emotional level.  Well hell, I didn't want to hear about yet another one of her break-ups.  I was reeling from Mimi's death.  I thought Mimi might have another year or two.  

So Kathy said she needed to process her feelings and should probably go.  I said ok and we hung up.  

That phone call left me feeling worse than I already did.  Around 5:30 I decided to take myself on a date, drove to Harris Teeter for 2 slices of pizza, then ended up seeing "A Star is Born."  Fabulous movie, but I rather wish I hadn't eaten so much chocolate while watching it.  Really glad I went, though.

Spent part of today going through papers...ugh.  Tried to re-schedule my tax appt. but will have to call again tomorrow.  Went by the bank to cash a check, and stop by "Target" for a few groceries.  That was fun, as some sweet staff there helped me get my things and a young lady with a topnotch of fuzzy red hair really lifted my spirits.  She suggested I have a red streak put in my hair to honor my friend.  I might do just that!

Tonight I read the beautiful "Elegy Written in a Churchyard" by Thomas Grey.  This had been my father's copy, copyright 1892 with engravings.  It's still considered one of the most beloved poems in the world, amazing considering it was written in the mid-1700's.  Wiki had a wonderful essay on it, with a photo of Grey's monument in England with the poem engraved on it.

It was great experiencing "stranger love" today.  It's why I like Durham so much.  You never really meet a stranger here.

-----------------------------------

Grieving Lessons

First you cry

and your shoulders might heave.

Your first impulse is to leave

and go ahead with the rest of your day

but you can't

not if you're too upset to drive.

Not worth the risk.

Stop.

Process.

Deep breaths are

necessary.

I told the people who

know me,

see me everyday,

"My friend died yesterday."

"I'm so sorry, I know it's hard."

(Am I being selfish to grieve this way?)

I needed help at Target finding tofu.

(It was hiding behind the salad dressing).

Gerald handed it to me and

carried it to the check out line.

We talked about death ( he doesn't

go to church), shared about our losses, and hugged,

and he knows about The Over Comers,

services on Wednesday nights,

lots of singin' and prayin'.  
"It's, Loud," he cautions.
"Holy Ghost a' risin'".

For now, take off your watch,
stop all the clocks.
Pause.
Remember.
"She treated me like a daughter."
-------------------------------------------------
Love and Community One  and the Same
(see poetry of james baldwin)







-------------------------------------------------

October 26, 2018

Rain.
Grey.
Everywhere.
Air, sky, clouds.  Like Sitka at times.
Like 300 days out of the year, once.
How is climate change affecting this paradise?

Yesterday I went to talk with Jacqueline Brett,
the UU minister across the street from me.
Beautiful African American woman, hair cropped close to her head, who wears beautiful dresses of earth colors.  She listened while I talked about Mimi for over an hour -- the safe house she started in Sitka, the picnic for the Sitka Summer Music Musicians, where I met my son's dad.  We turned out the lights, lit a candle, and I talked.  So soothing.

I also spoke with the pastoral care counselor there who had Mimi's brown eyes.  She advised me about the grief group on Tuesday nights.  I shall go.  She said I shouldn't deny myself the opportunity to let the tears flow.  Alaska, Mimi, such a big part of my life.  A friend for decades.

Yesterday my phone rang.  It was Mimi's number, which was a bit of a stunner.  It was Fern, who wanted to make sure I knew about Mimi's passing.  So nice to chat with her.  They're not sure about the  life celebration after Thanksgiving.  Spring would be a nice time to have it.  She was born in the spring, I think, or was it summer.  Great memories of kayaking at Folly Creek, visiting Tangier Island, and sleeping in Fern's old brass bed.

Feeling kind of whiplashed today.  Missing Noon Poets again so I rest...not especially up for driving to Chapel Hill today.

There's a line from Charlotte's Web on friendship that I love......

Dances of Universal Peace

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dances_of_Universal_Peace

Durham has this!

Dropping the Past

    "Past memories cling to us like old scars that never fade.  The more we think about them, the more they feed our pain and failure.  To help get past painful memories, try this simple exercise.

1.  Make a mental list of your top two worst memories...for example, a divorce, or a bad relationship.
2.  Think about how you felt about each bad experience.
3.  Put a positive spin on each lesson you learned.
4.  Memorize the following affirmation to help you stay in a positive frame:  'I got through it, and I am stronger for it.'


     When you can find the inner strength that helped you through past difficult situations, you can quickly drop self-defeating thoughts, and move forward with peace and grace."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My two worst memories:  my divorce, bad bosses.

My divorce rocked my world, but good friends and faith in God pulled me through.  I realized how strong and loving I am, as well as why the marriage HAD to end.

I have had a few "bosses from hell."  People who were bullies, alcoholics, sociopaths, or downright mean.   But those cretans are no longer in my life, I've moved on, and live in the moment.

My Amazing Life

Late this afternoon, I ventured over to Barnes and Noble to pick up a book that had arrived.  I asked for a copy of Fear, the new book by Carl Woodard as well, and sat down with the books in the cafe.

Since the sun was in my eyes at the table where I was sitting, I moved to the table in front of me, next to a where a man was sitting reading.  Eventually, I asked him what he was reading and  we began to chat about what we were reading.

Fast forward, we ended up chatting for hours.  Neither of us got any more reading done.  He moved to Durham when he was 18 from Florida, got a football scholarship to Central where he played quarterback.  We're the same age.  Only know his first name and what the does for a living.  Looked him up on the net to no avail.  I'd like to invite him to meet for tea in B & N.  Yes, they do have tea (blueberry, my favorite), along with spinach and artichoke quiche, another favorite.

Last night, my small group from church met at Maggie's house, as usual.  The topic was from the Lectionary for Oct. 7, 2018, Job 1:1  and Job 2:  2-10.  The crux of this reading is faith.  And boy, do we need it more than ever!   (http://storypath.upsem.edu/lectionary-links-rcl-october-7-2018/)

It's been a hard week here in the U. S. over the Supreme Court nomination of Brett Kavanaugh.  Three women came forward to accuse him of sexual assault when he was a student at Georgetown Prep.  The country was riveted by Christine Blasey Ford's testimony
and she was very credible.  She also had character, composure, and patience.  Of course, Trump ridiculed and mocked her.  How cruel and insensitive!

Kavenaugh, on the other hand, came out fighting.  Visibly angry.  Even tearful.  He utterly disgusted me.  He even sparred with one of the Senators on her drinking habits (after admitting he like beer).  Unbelievable!  This was far worse than the Clarence Thomas  hearings.  Those hearings at least had a sense of decorum.  Like Thomas, Kavanaugh was confirmed by the narrowest of margins (50-48), although Thomas' finally tally wasn't that close.

Kavenaugh's final tally was the second closest in history.  The closest was by one by by the candidate nominated by President Rutherford B. Hayes in 1881.

As hard as it was, I made a point of watching the final roll call.   Fascinating to watch the votes come in (yes, yes, no, yes, no, no....).  History in the making.

I've put the hearings aside for now and concentrating on what's before me.  I have  full plate.  Writing, job interviews, a trip downtown tomorrow morning to drop off some forms.  Life goes on.  It will get better.

The point is, the moral fiber of the country does not lie in the Supreme Court, but in a Supreme Being.

After small group last night, we went down to The Pit across from Motorco to listen to bluegrass music on the roof.  Rusty came along and he was a huge hit with the kids.  The group was called Grass Street, and they were great.  Banjo, bass, do-bro, guitar, and beautiful voices.

October 14, 2018

I talked with Bea Burnett extensively over the past few days.  So wonderful to re-connect!

Oct. 17, 2018

Trip down to the Duke campus today for mindful meditation.  The more i think about it, the more i'd like to live my life mindfully, from the time i wake up to the time i go to bed...lovely heart meditation today and i thought of little Maude; she was right there in the middle of my heart and i felt a warmth come over me that could only be love.

Oct. 19, 2018

I'd been thinking about my dear, dear friend, Mimi Christianson this week.  On Wednesday, I made a mental note to send her a card and remembered to do that yesterday.   I'd noticed on my Facebook page that one of Mimi's friends had posted a photograph of Jim and Mimi taken the summer of 2017 at the annual 4th of July picnic and they looked so robust and healthy.

Under the post, I noticed that Mimi's daughter in-law, Fawn, had written what a great mother-in-law Mimi was.  Fawn so I friended Fawn and sent a message asking how Mimi was.  I usually don't look at my FB page at night, but I did last night.  Fawn had messaged me back, that Mimi had died several hours before.  Ohhh, the sorrow.  Emailed some friends and Katherine called me back around 11:30 last night...so sweet of her.  Morgan called and offered to bring breakfast over and we had a delightful time reminescing and eating oat cakes and apple butter.

I was doing great until I saw Sharon next door and lost it.  Mentioned how Mimi had died yesterday, and how I hadn't yet mailed her card I'd been meaning to send and Sharon mentioned how when someone close to her had once died, and through her tears and sobs, she saw the loved one's face.  And heard a voice that said, "it's going to be all right...your friend was transitioning and reaching out to you to say that she was fine and telling you that everything would be all right."

Just hung up on the phone with Julie and we had a long chat.  It helped to grieve, to talk, to recall memories, and to remember that what a giving person Mimi was to all who knew her.  Julie said it succinctly:  "Our lives intersected at that point in time, in Sitka, and even though we all went our separate ways, we stayed connected throughout all the years we knew each other."

I feel her spirit with me now, and she's reaching her arms out to Julie also.  We're all family.  Our lives came together at that picnic on the island 35 years ago.  Without Mimi, I wouldn't have Chris
and so so many memories.

I want to name a constellation after Mimi.  "The Mimi Star."  Powerful how our lives intersected on Christoff Island.  We lived together for a time, went our separate ways, lived our lives, and never forgot Mimi.  Such a selfless person I've never known.  Maternal.  To so many.

http://www.historicmapworks.com/Map/HB/1136783/BWPhotos+159628/Virginia//

Around 1989, I wrote a letter to Mimi from my new home in Knoxville, Tennessee.  I had left Alaska in 1988 to attend grad school at the University of Tennessee.  I'd just read Charlotte's Webb for my class in Children's Sources and Services.  Glenn Estes was the professor.  Quite a scholar he was, having served on a number of Caldecott Committees.  There's a quote about friendship in Charlotte's Webb -- I think is was when Charlotte died:  "Never was there a friend truer than she." or something to that affect.  I sent that quote to Mimi in Sitka, because it epitomized the depth of my friendship with her.  The actual quote goes:   "No one had ever had such a friend—so affectionate, so loyal, and so skillful."(22.5)

Morgan commented that when Mimi moved to Accomack, Virginia she had just as great an impact there as she'd had in Alaska.  In Alaska she was a guardian ad litem, and founded the Sitkans Against Family Violence (SAFV), for abused women.  I volunteered there for a time when I lived in Sitka.  Is it still running?  I definitely think so!

Then there was Mimi's second husband, Chris.  (Warren Christianson).  He had "Classics With Chris" on Raven Radio.  What a character!  He homesteaded in Sitka, claimed an island (originally called "Geirtan" and he changed the name to reflect his:  Christoff Island.  I guess it's still referred to as Geirtan on a  map because I should think it would be difficult to change a name on a map.  I  lived with Chris and Mimi (he refused to call her Mimi) for several months when I moved there in 1982.

October 21, 2018

Had a nice long talk on the phone with Fawn Potash, Mimi's daughter-in-law this morning.  Turns out Mimi did suffer.  Apparently when she went in for her procedure on June 7th, they found something, and her cancer metasthisized to her lymph nodes.  Apparently Miimi also tried immune therapy but had an adverse reaction to it.  She eventually accepted her fate, called in hospice, and got great care.  She was on morphine in the final days and Fawn held her hand til the end.

Mimi was angry at the cancer as it debilitated her so.  She had been vibrant, traveled widely, and had hardly been sick, ever.  Lung cancer is a brutal disease and I can't help but feel angry and upset for the first doctor who brushed her off when she asked for an x-ray.  Damn doctors who minimize their patients, probably just because they don't want to be bothered.  Like the way Dr. Kelly told me I'd do great, while he set my surgery for a month later.  What???


Oct. 22, 2018

She's There

In the pines that gently sway,
in the piece by Vivaldi that I heard today,
in memories that will never fade.
That's Mimi.

There's a small house in Managua
where she brought comfort to a grieving family.
She was a peace-seeker generous with compassion.
How will I get through her passing without her to comfort me?

The last time we spoke, she joked about
how we smoked pot before going to Safeway.
What a time in was, in the early 70's,
three friends living in an old brownstone,
sharing dinners and talking about men.

Activist, humanitarian, friend,
she spread her love wide, around the world and back.

She is here still.

(another poem about mimi -- )

It's Time

To stop grieving,

so much to do,

like dishes, chores, walks in the woods,

cooking, and writing, and Qi Gong,

I'll be fine, I'm getting along,

now you go on.

Go on into your day.

You have to work --

your dance poems to publish,

a memoir to make,

the printer to fix,

a shower to take,

So go on.

Go on into the brand new day.


----------------------------------------------
November 27, 2017

I'm noticing the beauty around me today.  Outside there is a bush with red leaves.  It glistened in the sun the other day with its bright shiny leaves.

The simplest things can be extraordinary.  Like a trip to Aldi. I went there today and got back just before Christine came over.  I went thru the check-out line 3 times.  Once to return the Romaine lettuce, then to check out my groceries, and a third time to buy this cool, giant sized red and black scarf.  It's a "Blackwatch" plaid, I think.   Hmmmm, thinking of Scotland...I was once there in November.  Cold!  Rainy!  Got sick when I was staying at the University of Edinburgh, but oh, how I love Edinburgh!!!