I'd been thinking about my dear, dear friend, Mimi Christianson this week. On Wednesday, I made a mental note to send her a card and remembered to do that yesterday. I'd noticed on my Facebook page that one of Mimi's friends had posted a photograph of Jim and Mimi taken the summer of 2017 at the annual 4th of July picnic and they looked so robust and healthy.
Under the post, I noticed that Mimi's daughter in-law, Fawn, had written what a great mother-in-law Mimi was. Fawn so I friended Fawn and sent a message asking how Mimi was.
I usually don't look at my FB page at night, but I did last night. Fawn had messaged me back, that Mimi had died several hours before. Ohhh, the sorrow. Emailed some friends and Katherine called me back around 11:30 last night...so sweet of her. Morgan called and offered to bring breakfast over and we had a delightful time reminescing and eating oat cakes and apple butter.
I was doing great until I saw Sharon next door and lost it. Mentioned how Mimi had died yesterday, and how I hadn't yet mailed her card I'd been meaning to send and Sharon mentioned how when someone close to her had once died, and through her tears and sobs, she saw the loved one's face. And heard a voice that said, 'it's going to be all right'...your friend was transitioning and reaching out to you to say that she was fine and telling you that everything would be all right."
Just hung up on the phone with Julie and we had a long chat. It helped to grieve, to talk, to recall memories, and to remember that what a giving person Mimi was to all who knew her. Julie said it succinctly: "Our lives intersected at that point in time, in Sitka, and even though we all went our separate ways, we stayed connected throughout all the years we knew each other."
I feel her spirit with me now, and she's reaching her arms out to Julie also. We're all family. Our lives came together at that picnic on the island 35 years ago. Without Mimi, I wouldn't have Chris
and so so many memories.
I want to name a constellation after Mimi. "The Mimi Star." Powerful how our lives intersected on Christoff Island. We lived together for a time, went our separate ways, lived our lives, and never forgot Mimi. Such a selfless person I've never known. Maternal. To so many.
http://www.historicmapworks.com/Map/HB/1136783/BWPhotos+159628/Virginia//
Around 1989, I wrote a letter to Mimi from my new home in Knoxville, Tennessee. I had left Alaska in 1988 to attend grad school at the University of Tennessee. I'd just read Charlotte's Webb for my class in Children's Sources and Services. Glenn Estes was the professor. Quite a scholar he was, having served on a number of Caldecott Committees. There's a quote about friendship in Charlotte's Webb -- I think is was when Charlotte died: "Never was there a friend truer than she." or something to that affect. I sent that quote to Mimi in Sitka, because it epitomized the depth of my friendship with her. The actual quote goes: "No one had ever had such a friend—so affectionate, so loyal, and so skillful."(22.5)
Morgan commented that when Mimi moved to Accomack, Virginia she had just as great an impact there as she'd had in Alaska. In Alaska she was a guardian ad litem, and founded the Sitkans Against Family Violence (SAFV), for abused women. I volunteered there for a time when I lived in Sitka. Is it still running? I definitely think so!
Then there was Mimi's second husband, Chris. (Warren Christianson). He had "Classics With Chris" on Raven Radio. What a character! He homesteaded in Sitka, claimed an island (originally called "Geirtan" and he changed the name to reflect his: Christoff Island. I guess it's still referred to as Geirtan on a map because I should think it would be difficult to change a name on a map. I lived with Chris and Mimi (he refused to call her Mimi) for several months when I moved there in 1982.
October 21, 2018
Had a nice long talk on the phone with Fawn Potash, Mimi's daughter-in-law this morning. Turns out Mimi did suffer. Apparently when she went in for her procedure on June 7th, they found something, and her cancer metasthisized to her lymph nodes. Apparently Miimi also tried immune therapy but had an adverse reaction to it. She eventually accepted her fate, called in hospice, and got great care. She was on morphine in the final days and Fawn held her hand til the end.
Mimi was angry at the cancer as it debilitated her so. She had been vibrant, traveled widely, and had hardly been sick, ever. Lung cancer is a brutal disease and I can't help but feel angry and upset for the first doctor who brushed her off when she asked for an x-ray. Damn doctors who minimize their patients, probably just because they don't want to be bothered. Like the way Dr. Kelly told me I'd do great, while he set my surgery for a month later. What???
Oct. 22, 2018
She's There
In the pines that gently sway,
in the piece by Vivaldi that I heard today,
in memories that will never fade.
That's Mimi.
in the piece by Vivaldi that I heard today,
in memories that will never fade.
That's Mimi.
There's a small house in Managua
where she brought comfort to a grieving family.
She was a peace-seeker generous with compassion.
How will I get through her passing without her to comfort me?
where she brought comfort to a grieving family.
She was a peace-seeker generous with compassion.
How will I get through her passing without her to comfort me?
The last time we spoke, she joked about
how we smoked pot before going to Safeway.
What a time in was, in the early 70's,
three friends living in an old brownstone,
sharing dinners and talking about men.
how we smoked pot before going to Safeway.
What a time in was, in the early 70's,
three friends living in an old brownstone,
sharing dinners and talking about men.
Activist, humanitarian, friend,
she spread her love wide, around the world and back.
she spread her love wide, around the world and back.
She is here still.
(another poem about mimi -- )
It's Time
To stop grieving,
so much to do,
like dishes, chores, walks in the woods,
cooking, and writing, and Qi Gong,
I'll be fine, I'm getting along,
now you go on.
Go on into your day.
You have to work --
your dance poems to publish,
a memoir to make,
the printer to fix,
a shower to take,
So go on.
Go on into the brand new day.
Oct. 19, 2018
I'd been thinking about my dear, dear friend, Mimi Christianson this week. On Wednesday, I made a mental note to send her a card and remembered to do that yesterday. I'd noticed on my Facebook page that one of Mimi's friends had posted a photograph of Jim and Mimi taken the summer of 2017 at the annual 4th of July picnic and they looked so robust and healthy.
Under the post, I noticed that Mimi's daughter in-law, Fawn, had written what a great mother-in-law Mimi was. Fawn so I friended Fawn and sent a message asking how Mimi was. I usually don't look at my FB page at night, but I did last night. Fawn had messaged me back, that Mimi had died several hours before. Ohhh, the sorrow. Emailed some friends and Katherine called me back around 11:30 last night...so sweet of her. Morgan called and offered to bring breakfast over and we had a delightful time reminescing and eating oat cakes and apple butter.
I was doing great until I saw Sharon next door and lost it. Mentioned how Mimi had died yesterday, and how I hadn't yet mailed her card I'd been meaning to send and Sharon mentioned how when someone close to her had once died, and through her tears and sobs, she saw the loved one's face. And heard a voice that said, "it's going to be all right...your friend was transitioning and reaching out to you to say that she was fine and telling you that everything would be all right."
Just hung up on the phone with Julie and we had a long chat. It helped to grieve, to talk, to recall memories, and to remember that what a giving person Mimi was to all who knew her. Julie said it succinctly: "Our lives intersected at that point in time, in Sitka, and even though we all went our separate ways, we stayed connected throughout all the years we knew each other."
I feel her spirit with me now, and she's reaching her arms out to Julie also. We're all family. Our lives came together at that picnic on the island 35 years ago. Without Mimi, I wouldn't have Chris
and so so many memories.
I want to name a constellation after Mimi. "The Mimi Star." Powerful how our lives intersected on Christoff Island. We lived together for a time, went our separate ways, lived our lives, and never forgot Mimi. Such a selfless person I've never known. Maternal. To so many.
http://www.historicmapworks.com/Map/HB/1136783/BWPhotos+159628/Virginia//
Around 1989, I wrote a letter to Mimi from my new home in Knoxville, Tennessee. I had left Alaska in 1988 to attend grad school at the University of Tennessee. I'd just read Charlotte's Webb for my class in Children's Sources and Services. Glenn Estes was the professor. Quite a scholar he was, having served on a number of Caldecott Committees. There's a quote about friendship in Charlotte's Webb -- I think is was when Charlotte died: "Never was there a friend truer than she." or something to that affect. I sent that quote to Mimi in Sitka, because it epitomized the depth of my friendship with her. The actual quote goes: "No one had ever had such a friend—so affectionate, so loyal, and so skillful."(22.5)
Morgan commented that when Mimi moved to Accomack, Virginia she had just as great an impact there as she'd had in Alaska. In Alaska she was a guardian ad litem, and founded the Sitkans Against Family Violence (SAFV), for abused women. I volunteered there for a time when I lived in Sitka. Is it still running? I definitely think so!
Then there was Mimi's second husband, Chris. (Warren Christianson). He had "Classics With Chris" on Raven Radio. What a character! He homesteaded in Sitka, claimed an island (originally called "Geirtan" and he changed the name to reflect his: Christoff Island. I guess it's still referred to as Geirtan on a map because I should think it would be difficult to change a name on a map. I lived with Chris and Mimi (he refused to call her Mimi) for several months when I moved there in 1982.
October 21, 2018
Had a nice long talk on the phone with Fawn Potash, Mimi's daughter-in-law this morning. Turns out Mimi did suffer. Apparently when she went in for her procedure on June 7th, they found something, and her cancer metasthisized to her lymph nodes. Apparently Miimi also tried immune therapy but had an adverse reaction to it. She eventually accepted her fate, called in hospice, and got great care. She was on morphine in the final days and Fawn held her hand til the end.
Mimi was angry at the cancer as it debilitated her so. She had been vibrant, traveled widely, and had hardly been sick, ever. Lung cancer is a brutal disease and I can't help but feel angry and upset for the first doctor who brushed her off when she asked for an x-ray. Damn doctors who minimize their patients, probably just because they don't want to be bothered. Like the way Dr. Kelly told me I'd do great, while he set my surgery for a month later. What???
Oct. 22, 2018
She's There
In the pines that gently sway,
in the piece by Vivaldi that I heard today,
in memories that will never fade.
That's Mimi.
in the piece by Vivaldi that I heard today,
in memories that will never fade.
That's Mimi.
There's a small house in Managua
where she brought comfort to a grieving family.
She was a peace-seeker generous with compassion.
How will I get through her passing without her to comfort me?
where she brought comfort to a grieving family.
She was a peace-seeker generous with compassion.
How will I get through her passing without her to comfort me?
The last time we spoke, she joked about
how we smoked pot before going to Safeway.
What a time in was, in the early 70's,
three friends living in an old brownstone,
sharing dinners and talking about men.
how we smoked pot before going to Safeway.
What a time in was, in the early 70's,
three friends living in an old brownstone,
sharing dinners and talking about men.
Activist, humanitarian, friend,
she spread her love wide, around the world and back.
she spread her love wide, around the world and back.
She is here still.
(another poem about mimi -- )
It's Time
To stop grieving,
so much to do,
like dishes, chores, walks in the woods,
cooking, and writing, and Qi Gong,
I'll be fine, I'm getting along,
now you go on.
Go on into your day.
You have to work --
your dance poems to publish,
a memoir to make,
the printer to fix,
a shower to take,
So go on.
Go on then into the brand new day.
......
"It takes time." That's what Steevie told me. She too was angry, tired, withdrawn, when her father died. So good to talk with her last night.
Not so good was when I connected with Kathy the night before (Saturday). We'd been trying to make contact over the phone and kept missing each other. How I hate the word "phone tag." Ridiculous phrase. You just add to your voice recording something like, "please say the best day and time to get back with you."
So Kathy called around 5pm on Saturday and i answered. I almost didn't since I really didn't feel like talking. She said, "Can you really believe we're actually talking with each other?' She asked how I was doing. "I'm grieving," I told her and went on to say how a dear friend had passed. I discussed how much Mimi had meant to me and eventually Kathy cut in to say, "Can I cut in?" I thought she might give a few words of comfort. But she said, "I think I'm grieving too." And proceeded to discuss the end of a 30 day relationship that had just ended. She'd left him a text and I told her texts can really be a terrible way to communicate deep feelings. She offered that she couldn't receive any advice at the moment. Paused and said, "are we connecting?"
So I told her, "yes, I can hear you just fine." I really didn't feel like getting into the dynamics of "NVC." And she replied that she didn't think we were connecting on an emotional level. Well hell, I didn't want to hear about yet another one of her break-ups. I was reeling from Mimi's death. I thought Mimi might have another year or two.
So Kathy said she needed to process her feelings and should probably go. I said ok and we hung up.
That phone call left me feeling worse than I already did. Around 5:30 I decided to take myself on a date, drove to Harris Teeter for 2 slices of pizza, then ended up seeing "A Star is Born." Fabulous movie, but I rather wish I hadn't eaten so much chocolate while watching it. Really glad I went, though.
Spent part of today going through papers...ugh. Tried to re-schedule my tax appt. but will have to call again tomorrow. Went by the bank to cash a check, and stop by "Target" for a few groceries. That was fun, as some sweet staff there helped me get my things and a young lady with a topnotch of fuzzy red hair really lifted my spirits. She suggested I have a red streak put in my hair to honor my friend. I might do just that!
Tonight I read the beautiful "Elegy Written in a Churchyard" by Thomas Grey. This had been my father's copy, copyright 1892 with engravings. It's still considered one of the most beloved poems in the world, amazing considering it was written in the mid-1700's. Wiki had a wonderful essay on it, with a photo of Grey's monument in England with the poem engraved on it.
It was great experiencing "stranger love" today. It's why I like Durham so much. You never really meet a stranger here.
-----------------------------------
Grieving Lessons
First you cry
and your shoulders might heave.
Your first impulse is to leave
and go ahead with the rest of your day
but you can't
not if you're too upset to drive.
Not worth the risk.
Stop.
Process.
Deep breaths are
necessary.
I told the people who
know me,
see me everyday,
"My friend died yesterday."
"I'm so sorry, I know it's hard."
(Am I being selfish to grieve this way?)
I needed help at Target finding tofu.
(It was hiding behind the salad dressing).
Gerald handed it to me and
carried it to the check out line.
We talked about death ( he doesn't
go to church), shared about our losses, and hugged,
and he knows about The Over Comers,
services on Wednesday nights,
lots of singin' and prayin'. "It's, Loud," he cautions.
"Holy Ghost a' risin'".
For now, take off your watch,
stop all the clocks.
Pause.
Remember.
"She treated me like a daughter."
-------------------------------------------------
Love and Community One and the Same
(see poetry of james baldwin)
-------------------------------------------------
October 26, 2018
Rain.
Grey.
Everywhere.
Air, sky, clouds. Like Sitka at times.
Like 300 days out of the year, once.
How is climate change affecting this paradise?
Yesterday I went to talk with Jacqueline Brett,
the UU minister across the street from me.
Beautiful African American woman, hair cropped close to her head, who wears beautiful dresses of earth colors. She listened while I talked about Mimi for over an hour -- the safe house she started in Sitka, the picnic for the Sitka Summer Music Musicians, where I met my son's dad. We turned out the lights, lit a candle, and I talked. So soothing.
I also spoke with the pastoral care counselor there who had Mimi's brown eyes. She advised me about the grief group on Tuesday nights. I shall go. She said I shouldn't deny myself the opportunity to let the tears flow. Alaska, Mimi, such a big part of my life. A friend for decades.
Yesterday my phone rang. It was Mimi's number, which was a bit of a stunner. It was Fern, who wanted to make sure I knew about Mimi's passing. So nice to chat with her. They're not sure about the life celebration after Thanksgiving. Spring would be a nice time to have it. She was born in the spring, I think, or was it summer. Great memories of kayaking at Folly Creek, visiting Tangier Island, and sleeping in Fern's old brass bed.
Feeling kind of whiplashed today. Missing Noon Poets again so I rest...not especially up for driving to Chapel Hill today.
There's a line from Charlotte's Web on friendship that I love......
No comments:
Post a Comment