Another Look at the Big Book
By Dana Stone, February 18, 2018
I first read the Big Book over 10 years ago. In the early 2000’s I was concerned about my
own drinking enough to start going to AA and pour my alcohol down the
drain. I’d become a social drinker of
the kind that I had a glass or two of wine almost everyday with dinner. I’d been embarrassed by my behavior after
drinking at least twice. I reached the
conclusion that I didn’t need to drink, that it served no real purpose in my
life.
I attended some AA meetings nearby, then realized my real
problem was with food –eating too much.
A bulletin board at my dr.’s office had the 15 questions on it. I sure could relate.
Bill’s Story: As I started reading the Big Book again, I
was struck by the fact that it was written over 80 years ago.
One of my favorite pages in literature is the beginning of
Bill’s Story: “war fever was on.” Bill fought in World War I, just like my
dad. Bill discovered the pleasure of
alcohol there. I wonder if my dad did
too. My dad stopped drinking before I
was born, nevertheless the situation affected me and the rest of the
family: my brother the over achiever and
heroic figure, me the child with “frozen tears.”
Being a lover of history, Bill’s story of the tombstone
outside the Winchester Cathedral really hit me.
I checked the net and yep, it’s there.
I wonder how many visitors inspired by the Big Book have visited it. I shall have to find out.
Also, I think this chapter mentions the visitor Bill had.
Chapter II: was this Ebby? Was it Dr. Silkworth Bill saw who told him
he’d never seen “such a bad case?”
Chapter II: I was struck by the amount of alcohol that
Bill drank – a quart at a time wasn’t unusual.
Likewise, I’m amazed by the amount of food I used to
eat. Two cans of black beans mixed with
mayo while watching documentaries.
God! Hard to imagine! Eating a box of cookies intended for the
neighbor child or my church group. I
just can’t have the stuff around!
Then there was my Christmas escapade at the Carolina Inn. The chocolate chip cookies called to me and I
listened. Eight or so eaten in my
beautiful hotel room surrounded by inspiring documents associated with the
University of North Carolina. This is
“spree eating”. It happened again recently
when I was disturbed by Morry’s comments.
I used things like that as an excuse to eat a half-gallon of ice
crème. “Taking the poison” so to
speak. I know now to avoid Morry (I did
so for two years). Maybe avoiding that
meeting until the guideline about sharing specific foods is removed. This is a big trigger for me.
Chapter III: This
chapter talks about the irrational beliefs of alcoholics. The guy who thinks he can add a little to his
milk and it “won’t hurt.” This chapter
touches on relapse. When relapse
happened, my ED was worse than ever. It lasted about two years, I think. I
started frequenting places that flirted with my abstinence. I really didn’t care, but I became concerned
that the ED would kill me. I HAD to stop
COE and couldn’t. However, a Higher
Power intervened and revealed to me the many benefits of not eating
compulsively. Thank you! Around this time I worked with a new sponsor
also. What a miracle! I have three days of abstinence now and want
to hang on to it for dear life. Divine
Intervention indeed.
This chapter also describes the crazy things we did while
[drinking]. Using in the car, for
example. My car is a mess because of
this. We also justify a spree: someone hurt our feelings or whatever. In the BB it says we started to find new
“playmates” -that is certainly true for me.
I really need to avoid people who are triggers for me.
Eating to solve problems is like having a headache and
hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Eating will NEVER solve our physical or emotional pain – it only makes
it worse.
